Ken Griffey, Jr. reaches 600

MIAMI, FL – Cincinnati Reds outfielder Ken Griffey, Jr. celebrated hitting his 600^th career home run this week, becoming the sixth player in history and third in the last six years to reach that plateau.

However, the news was not all good for the future Hall of Famer. As he stepped on home plate and met his teammates to share this historic moment, he suffered a catastrophic hamstring injury that will lead to his 600^th trip to the disabled list in his twenty-year career.

In the spirit of celebration, SSNN takes a look back at some of Griffey’s more memorable injuries…

• 1989: Griffey slips in the shower and breaks a bone in his right hand, costing him the A.L. Rookie of the Year award and totally ruining an intense masturbation session. This tragic injury costs the Mariners their season.
• 1990: Griffey sips a cappuccino from a small Seattle coffee shop called Starbucks. He burns his tongue and spends fifteen days on the disabled list. This unfortunate accident costs the Mariners the season.
• 1993: While in the dugout during a game against the California Angels, Griffey is accosted by teammate Randy Johnson’s shadow. The resulting melee results in Griffey tearing both the ACL and MCL of his right knee. This bizarre turn of events costs the Mariners the season.
• 1996: Griffey is sidelined with a lower back strain caused by the arrival of new teammate Alex Rodriguez and higher expectations from fans of the young, talented team. This horrific strain costs the Mariners the season.

• 2000: Griffey’s childhood dream comes true. He escapes dreary Seattle to play for his father’s former team, the Cincinnati Reds. Unfortunately, while his father played alongside Pete Rose, Joe Morgan and Johnny Bench, Griffey plays alongside Pokey Reese, Chris Stynes and Eddie Taubensee. Worse yet, he soon realizes that he now has to play and live in Cincinnati for at least half of the year. The sudden revulsion causes severe stomach cramps and explosive diarrhea. This unforeseen ailment costs the Reds the season, but the Mariners win the Wild Card.
• 2005: While watching the epic National League Championship series between the Houston Astros and the St. Louis Cardinals, Griffey sits with his nose an inch from his big screen plasma HDTV. He is heard repeating to himself, “So this is what the playoffs are like!” The eye strain puts him on the shelf until mid-May of the following year. This does not cost the Reds the season, however, as only the league-worst Pittsburgh Pirates kept them from finishing dead last in the division.

A parade is scheduled in Cincinnati to celebrate their hometown hero’s milestone accomplishment. The parade route will wind its way through the city’s medical center, where hundreds of orthopedists, surgeons and physical therapists are expected to attend.

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